oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
