Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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