im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
