The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We need to rekindle our bromance
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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