3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
