one two three fourrrrnication!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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