On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
