i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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