Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
