He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
