just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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