i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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