Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
