Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
