around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
