she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And then he peed in my hair
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