So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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