A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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