just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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