ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
