A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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