filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
