And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
