Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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