how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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