I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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