Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
