get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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