when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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