He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
