My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
