I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
