I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How naked do you want me to be?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
