I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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