splinters make it hard to masturbate
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
