All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
