I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
