I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
