he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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