Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
