at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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