i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
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dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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