There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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