I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
love makes seman taste better
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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