I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
