Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
