I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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