I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's the barista slut.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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