my vag is so smooth its legendary
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
