the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
