May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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