operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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