I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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