I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need moral support for this bender
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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