i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
