I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
