You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
