Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize