So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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