I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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