Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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