I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
