There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
