What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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