I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
