At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
