I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
