dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
