All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
