Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
