i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
