Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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