peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
