How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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